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 | Break Free From the Affair. Ebook | |
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 | |  | | E-book Category: How To, Relationships, Self Help
E-book Title: Break Free From the Affair.
Book Description: 7 Key Steps, Guaranteed
to help you Break Free...
Know in your Heart that the Affair is NOT your Fault.
My E-book convinces you that the affair is not your fault. This shift in your thinking is vitally important if you truly want to break free from the affair.
The affair is HIS problem. It is THEIR problem. What you did or did not do did not "cause" the affair. He CHOSE that avenue to solve his dilemma. Did you make mistakes? Sure, we all do. Could you have done some things differently? Of course! He could have also! You are NOT defective. No one is a better lover or person than you. Nothing is wrong with you!
Please understand. I care for someone who is having an affair because they are trying to find something - like all of us. The problem: their way of finding that something is really misguided. Anyone who chooses to trade one set of problems for a worse set, or really believes that another person can make his life better or "complete" obviously isn't thinking straight.
He is either lost in his empty neediness or his life is run by his glands. Choosing an affair is temporary insanity. Affairs have absolutely nothing to do with love - everything to do with personal neediness and the narcissistic need for intense flattery. An affair is NOT the answer. Affairs don't pan out.
This is backed by over two decades of professional experience, study and research. Here are the stats:
•80% of those who divorce during an affair regret the decision.
•Over 75% who marry partners in an affair eventually divorce.
•If an affair replaces the marriage, it is subject to the same emotional stresses as the marriage but twice as likely to fracture.
You MUST Pinpoint the EXACT Kind of Affair Facing You
People are different, right? Well, so are affairs. Affairs are exceedingly complex, but there are patterns that you can identify.
What works to break free from one kind of affair will be disaster for another. Are you confused? Not sure what to say? What to do? Afraid that saying one thing might be destructive? Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells?
Identify specifically what you are up against and you will feel more confident because you know exactly what will work and what will not work.
I've identified 7 kinds of affairs marked by the different excuses most commonly used. These types are thoroughly explained in the E-book.
#1: My Marriage Made Me Do It
#2: I Can't Say No
#3: I Don't Want to Say No
#4: I Fell Out of Love (and just love being in love)
#5: I Want to Get Back at Him/Her
#6: I Need to Prove My Desirability
#7: I Want to be Close to Someone (which means I can't stand intimacy)
Discover what Internally Drives Him to this"Act of Temporary Insanity"
People with different motives have different kinds of affairs. You will learn more about him than he knows about himself. You will understand his personality, how his past influences him, how he typically copes with relationships, his self-defeating patterns and more.
It will hit you, "this person has a problem! - and it's not all mine!" (This is not to say you don't have problems, we all do, but they have their origin in you, not someone else or an institution such as marriage.)
Once you understand each kind of affair and the kind of person who engages in that kind of affair, it all makes sense.
•You make better decisions.
•You develop more effective strategies.
•You begin to understand why it is so difficult.
•You feel more confident and centered.
•You have a road map to follow.
•And...you feel better
The FIRST and TOUGHEST Question you MUST ask Yourself
Do you ever ask yourself why you remain with someone who is so self-destructive and has such little regard for you? Do you assume others are thinking the same thing: "Why in the world doesn't she throw him out?"
Here's the question you MUST face FIRST: Do I REALLY want to be (married) in relationship with this person?
Don't jump past this one with, "Sure, I love him... even though he's doing this." It usually is a bit more complicated.
Do I REALLY want to be married to him? Or do I want to be with him out of my own neediness? Or for other reasons?
Here's the underlying problem. If you hold on to the relationship because of your neediness or external factors, the chances of getting what you want are slim.
For each kind of affair, I'll have you consider questions you never thought about; questions that MUST be answered if you have any hope of breaking free.
You will be much clearer on what you REALLY want. He will know and he will respect that.
Realistically: What are the Odds of Saving Your Marriage?
As you might guess, the odds of saving your marriage vary according to the kind of affair facing you.
I use a scale of 1 - 10 for each kind of affair and the odds are based on the premise that you and he will continue in the same patterns. For example, I give the "My Marriage Made Me Do It" between an 8 and 9 on a scale of 1-10 where 10 means there is no way the marriage can be saved. I give the "I Want to Get Back at Him" affair (the revenge affair) a 3.
These are not arbitrary numbers. I give multiple reasons for those odds in the E-book.
With Your Crystal Ball - Predict the Future
Yes, you can see into the future. Affairs are predictable. Once you identify the patterns you can project ahead and know what most likely will happen next. Here are a few examples:
•You CAN know how long he will be involved in that affair.
•You CAN know whether he is more susceptible to a one-night stand or a long-term affair.
•You CAN predict whether this will be the one and only affair or whether more are down the line.
•You CAN predict the nature of his relationship with the OP.
•You CAN know whether they will live happily ever after.
•You CAN know whether it is primarily a sexual relationship or emotional relationship.
•You CAN predict how and when the affair will end.
Once you have the knowledge, once you understand the person(s), once you see the patterns, it all makes sense.
How to Increase the Odds of Saving the Marriage, If that's What You Really Want To Do
Once you see the larger picture and have gathered yourself emotionally, it's time to act.
In the E-book I provide an outline of exactly what action you can take for each kind of affair. I put words into your mouth, giving you phrases you can use with your partner that fit exactly your situation.
With each kind of affair I list skills that work best with that affair and increase your chances for making significant change.
You get 16 skills that you easily learn and apply to the 7 different affairs: (you will only need to learn and apply those skills applicable to the affair facing you. I'll show you the one(s) that will work best for you.)
You will learn when and how to send messages, use silence, get to the real commitment, leap your partner, look for upset, contextualize, peel away layers to the truth, and gap the goal, to name a few.
More... | 
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