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All Just just about Divorce"America’s Voiceless” The Children of Divorce
by:
Susan Murphy-Milano
Once
folk start a new relationship, it is as although Cinderella and her Aristocrat stepped out of that childhood story. A more realistic way to look at it is to think of it as two folk who are running for office, candidacy to be in the another person’s life. Forget that it is not who they wish be later in life. We are too busy acquiring the another person to “choose us” so we can live merrily ever after. There is, bad habits early on in the relationship we ne'er
see. For instance, departure dirty apparel scattered, drinking directly out of the juice carton, putt a dirty knife back in the drawer and observation from about the corner as they lick it clean, washing is too more effort. Some
sides hide their bad habits once
they begin dating, because they are too busy running for the highest office in the country, ultimately the office of marriage and parenthood.
This fantasy life fades as folk grow together in a relationship. Unfortunately, just about sixty percentage grow apart during the marriage.
When the marriage ends it is like a home set on fire. All desired hopes, dreams and commitment cherished by several sides, up in smoke. But, we forget that the child of this relationship has yet to lay the foundation of their lives.
Divorce on any level, is devastating. For children, their warm, safe earth is suddenly shattered like a broken toy, in galore pieces. Once
parents begin to divorce, do they actually finish and think just about the children? All too often, the children fall under the invisible heading of “power base” or worse yet, “negotiable”.
A child’s life during a divorce is like a roller coaster, going up minute and down the next. Parents are keeping score of their child’s affectionateness as although they were at a sporting event. Some
parents fear losing ground as although their competition, the another parent, chips away at there own individual “power base”. This is an automatic reaction during a divorce. If only parents would-be finish for a moment and realize, that children have unconditional love for each of them.
Children were not beamed down from space to earth. They were formed and brought into this earth with the greatest expectations, and most of all love. By two folk the child calls parent and father. These two folk have forgotten that being a parent, role model and teacher, means not putt down the other. Or exploitation the children to showing emotion
beat up the “competition”. Because, being a parent is a privilege!
A divorce is like a funeral. Of course, there is no casket or service. But the process is the same.
“Funeral” services begin once
the parties enter their lawyers office, (I call them legal ceremony representatives) they help prepare for the death of their clients marriage.
The lawyers seek out personal, confidential information just about you, only to file it in a public record for the earth to see.
Attached to this public record filing is a elaborate fiscal description, (yours) of personal property and assets noninheritable during the marriage.
Somewhere between page 11 or 15 of the divorce agreement, your children are listed, like an asset, by name and age. And on yet another page, you wish find the “children”, stating who gets custody when, on what days, with specific times and for how long. Can’t forget the holiday schedules, this appears on yet another page of the divorce decree. This page looks more like a major event schedule, commerce odd and even as years off during the holidays.
If parents would-be think for a moment and get off their “power base”, they should be able to activity out these really private details among themselves.
Months, and in several cases years later a judge, who I refer to as the medical examiner (no disrespect intended) sit before these strangers, in a court of law, with folk who once vowed to love, honor and care for each another all the days of their lives, ask if all parties are in agreement, with the tap of his gavel, signs the death certificate (known more normally as the divorce decree.
I for one think this process is a crime. We allow total strangers to settle our once really happy lives. The greater crime, however, is the children, divided up among the parents like a piece of property. They are the “Voiceless Victims.”
© 2005 - Susan Potato Milan http://www.movingoutmovingon.com
Just just about the author:
Susan Potato Milano, is a respected author and nationwide recognized relationship expert.Her new book Moving Out,Moving On, once
a relationship goes wrong is now available.Susan's quest for justice has been trumpted across the pages of newspapers, magazines, radio and televison, including, Oprah, CNN, MSCNBC, ABC, NBC, 20/20.http://www.movingoutmvoingon.com
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