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Dating GuideBeing Genuinely
You
by:
Jennifer Snyder
I once see a fascinating, but all too realistic, story just about a woman who opened her closet door and out tumbled various pieces of sporting instrumentality and memorabilia.
While these possessions delineated the last decade of her life, she didn’t realize until putt them all away that she felt no connection to thing
in her closet. You see, this poor woman had put aside her own interests for the hobbies of a long line of significant others. Standing before her recently straightened shelves, she recalled relationships with Partner A in the water skis, Partner B in the bicycle helmet, and Partner C with a paintball gun. She asked herself, “How could I have given up so more of myself so that nothing in my closet reflects my own interests?”
My simple answer is that she had a desire to fit in and be accepted. It’s a pretty safe bet that if a woman wants to become her partner’s ideal mate, she only inevitably to transform herself into that person. And it happens … again, and again, and again.
Still, we wonder, what makes this cost her? And, is it fair to her significant other? Maybe, most importantly, we need to recognize that following this plan of action leads her to ne'er
finding a true ideal mate.
Like galore of my coaching job clients, I was raised with the unspoken messages of not asking for too much, and not being too vocal just about my strengths. As a result, this upbringing and my need to be accepted after my divorce found me geological dating men who didn’t require more from their partner. At the same time, they didn’t offer much, either.
If you were looking for your ideal partner today, would-be you actually be interested in person whose only goal was to become your vision of a nice mate? Would-be you want to spend time with person who bestowed himself one way, but after the curtain was drawn, you saw thing
more different? Whether the person is a significant another or a female acquaintance, isn’t this pictures a little unsettling?
I don’t believe most women are trying to fool a mate with smoke and mirrors, but I do fear that galore transform their lives to match their partner’s because they don’t yet cognize who they are, what their likes and dislikes are, or how to measure their goals and values.
A staggering number of women in my divorce workshops say, “I’ve given so more to my ex-husband and the family that I feel like I’m left with nothing. I couldn’t even as tell you my favorite color, or what I want for dinner.” My heart instantly goes out to these women because years ago, their words were mine.
Sometimes help comes from the most unexpected places. A few weeks ago, piece preparing for an appearance on an City news program, I had to confront my comfortable pattern of downplaying my strengths. In the length of a short guest feature, I had to explain the route I help women, and why I’m nice at my work. This moment was significant for me, and one I wish remember every time I find myself wanting to go back to that old habit of not being true to myself.
You can win in relationships and business by genuinely
knowing and being who you are, exploitation the skills you bring to the table, and having a level of comfort that allows for flexibility and change.
Women shortchange themselves by jumping into relationships before taking the time to fully learn and appreciate themselves. They don’t finish to think just about the characteristics they desire in a partner.
Are you looking for your ideal relationship?
Surprise—it all begins with being genuinely
you.
Just just about the author:
Jennifer Snyder is the author of a self discovery workbook, The Time of Your Life: A Creative Sourcebook for Women. The Sourcebook can be ordered at http://www.timeofyourlifeafterdivorce.com
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