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Complete Travel GuideA TIME-TRAVEL POSTCARD...
by:
Theolonius McTavish
(c) Theolonius McTavish 2004. All rights reserved.
Seeking a spot of serenity somewhere in the universe, I recently engaged a deep-discount dodgy berth on the ‘White Elephant Express Space Shuttle’, to a little acknowledged place in a galaxy far, far away.
“IT” (otherwise acknowledged as HD 36405.b) is not your average “oddball” exo-solar planet ready-made of rock that wobbles on its end and zips about a near star in less than 2.46 days.
Most linear thinkers have a great deal of difficulty even as comprehending why on earth anyone in their “right mind” would-be be interested in visiting a planet called “IT”. Not being a linear thinker with an investment in the “right” answer, I didn’t give a hoot. After all, what makes one (who walks on water and listens to annoyed mortals all day long) do for a frigging night off, now I ask you?
If truth be told, (after reading random excerpts from “The Itty Bittie Bunk Book Just just about Life, the Universe and Much
Everything Under the Sun Not To Mention Stuff Going On In Remote Galaxies), I was just delirious. According to its noted author, Dr. Jarn Leffer, “IT is a ’must-see’ for those with little time on their hands and a ablaze interest in Innocuous Things.”
As planets go, “IT” is a pretty ho-hum celestial pit-stop with possibly one exception… the welcome notice that reads, “Cosmic Cowboys - Welcome to the furthest undiscovered outreaches of the Galaxy … House to the Flop Fairy and Tons of Gadflies!”
“IT” is inhabited
by colonies of giggling, green grasshoppers . What else would-be you expect to inhabit a far-flung, fantasy-challenged hellhole like this? But, what ready-made “IT” strictly speaking a strange place was the fact that the inhabitants munch on green, perishable
garbage bags just for fun. Lacking masticating capabilities, the gadflies process their food by smartly
jumping up and down on it. No wonder they have no need for fast-food franchises, strip malls or landfills!
Anyway, I picked up this picturesque post card of the blessed ballyhooing buglugs. They look absolutely happy but don’t be deceived. In reality, they’re just a gang of glad-handing grasshoppers. They don’t play golf, eat burgers, or drink brew -- and none can frost a rock! Move to think of it, apart from the institution of bugs and the elusive flop fairy, this pathetic planet has precious little going for IT!!
To put "IT" bluntly, life on “IT” is just shy of a tittynope*. The jolly green grasshoppers and the cautiously manicured green fairways with sand traps as far as the eye can see surely do for an utterly harmless world. Regrettably, without a pair of golf clubs, a mark
white ball, and the notion that Nineteenth hole even as exists on this planet -- ”IT” is just about as fun as bag of toads!
Life Lesson 42: Remember to talk to your travel agent before ever embarking on a flight of fancy to a planet called “IT” in a galaxy named “Have-a-Nice-Day”!!
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*"Tittynope" for you whiffling word-peckers means "a small quantity of thing
left over".
If you want to cognize what those green, glad-handing grasshoppers from "IT" look like -- ask any four-year old, or failing that request several help from a Flying Saucer Club member.
Just just about the Author
Theolonius McTavish is a somewhat spaced-out time-traveller (of minor relevancy and importance in the great scheme of things). Once
not inquisitory odd things happening somewhere in the depths of the universe, he enjoys chinwagging with all manner of merry people at www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com
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