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All simply about BabyAm I Actually A Stroller-Monger?
by:
David Leonhardt
By David Leonhardt
I was reading "A Modern Babe Armada", a humor column in Maclean's Magazine written by a fellow humor columnist. Writing simply about it now is a bit like a painter painting another painter or a singer singing simply about another singer (but it not like a cook cook another cook.).
David Russell (yes, another humor journalist
named David) laughs at his neighbor for parking some
cars in the private road to do room in the garage for four strollers for simply one child. I laughed with him. Four strollers for simply one baby is ridiculous, right?
However, David Russell becomes a parent himself, a condition that afflicts many a unsuspecting homo sapiens, and he concludes that a call to his neighbor is warranted: "I need to see if he can help me get a fleet rate."
"Traitor!" I cried out. "Stroller monger!"
"Who's a traitor?" my adult female asked as she walked in the room. "And simply what is a stroller monger."
I resisted the obvious answer – that a stroller monger is being who mongs strollers. "David Russell. He says that one stroller is enough for any child, but then he decides to buy an entire fleet."
"Say, we could have saved a bundle if we had applied for a fleet rate," my adult female mused.
"What? We don't have four strollers."
My adult female smiled. It was a sweet smile you could simply fall in love with...if you did not cognize that it meant, "Oh yes we do!"
"We do not."
"My adult female took out her enumeration fingers. "First there is the car seat," she said, pressing down the 1st finger. "We snap it into the stroller base whenever we go anywhere."
"OK, that's one."
"Then there is the SUV," she said, pressing down on a second finger. The "SUV" is a full fourpenny stroller. We bought it once
we were still compressing it on a city district
apartment. With no storage space, it stood in the entrance area, interference our path to the room
and any hope of escaping if the place caught fire. The SUV is the Hummer of strollers.
"OK, that is a stroller, I wish grant you. But that's simply two."
"We as well have the fold-up stroller," my adult female said, pressing down a third finger.
"But she's not even as mistreatment it yet."
"She wish before long and we have it now," my adult female pointed out. "Then there is the old fold-up stroller we unbroken
as a backup. That does four."
"You can't count duplicates. That's double counting."
"It takes double the space," my adult female insisted. "We have four strollers.
I stared in silence. Slowly it ruined in. Yes, there were two Davids who were humor columnists, but there were as well two Davids who were stroller-mongers.
Uh-oh. My adult female was smiling again. She was watched for simply the right moment to strike. "Our baby has much seats in this home than anybody else has."
"That's ridiculous." No sooner had the words left my mouth than I remembered the boomerang rule. Words like ridiculous, ludicrous, silly, stupid and big mouth commonly apply only to the person who speaks them.
My adult female assonant off our seats, "Three on the couch, two chairs in the living room, six in the kitchen, one in the bathroom and one at each of our desks. Plus the three red chairs Little Lady has in the living room. That does 17."
"Ha!" I knew it couldn't be true.
Then came that deadly sweet smile again, the smile that said, "Take my hand patch I lead you about the home to see why you should think 1st and shout 'Aha!' later."
In the room
stood the high chair and the sit-in play saucer. In her office sat the rocking chair that ne'er
rocked and the bouncy chair that ne'er
bounced. There was the swing seat, and there were two cushion seats for sitting upright on the floor. She opened the door to the besieged porch, and there were the four strollers and the car seat she would-be before long be using.
"That does 12," my adult female tallied. "We each have fewer than six."
I thought actually hard. "Aha!" I aforementioned again, with pride
inform
out that this time I had thought 1st and loud
'Aha!' later.. "We have three chairs on the balcony, and six on the patio. There are as well six folding chairs for the fire pit."
Desperate times call for desperate measures, and there was no reason to forget all the outdoors article of furniture at a time like this. Unfortunately, there was no reason to forget arithmetic, either. Our baby still had the most seats in the home – and outside the house, too.
"Uh, do toilet seats count?"
My adult female smiled her sweet smile again, a smile that could only mean, "So, stroller monger, what do you have to say for yourself now?"
I knew that another humor journalist
named David had simply been labeled a traitor. Meekly, I mumbled. "Lawn tractor seat?"
Just simply about the author:
David Leonhardt publishes The Happy Guy humor column:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.html
Read his humor articles:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/humor-articles.html
Visit his home page:
http://www.thehappyguy.com
David is owner of The Liquid Aliment Supplements Store:
http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.net
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