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Babies & Child InformationA Man and His Baby
by:
Ieuan Dolby
When a couple steps forth with a baby in tow everything in life is stable and normal. Folk hold open doors, hard shopkeepers “chuck” and go all icky before catching themselves and generally life is an easy ride. But gentlemen, once
he who dares to step-out with a baby in tow (minus the wife) life becomes a series of obstacles that ne'er
ceases to surprise.
I don’t mean a trip to the corner shop, “no siree”! I mean a fully-fledged trip into town, pram, milk bottles and spare nappies to boot! Small things are directly noticeable, like that hard and mean-looking merchant down the road! Once
my better half goes in to his establishment he goes all gooey, in fact he doesn’t notice me at all; simply talks to my better half and son and ignores me as if I was the invisible man. But walking in to his shop with only my son, an apple to buy before the days outing ahead and he became meaner and harder. In fact he detected
me for the 1st time, glared at me as if I had simply purloined the kid and was on the run and same
“hope that’s not for the little one”! I felt like locution what’s it got to do with you mate but ……………on the bus the driver who recommended that I sit near the front instead of upstairs was nearly out of his seat and taking the part of usher before realizing that this was not actually in his job description!
Somehow several basic human instinct suggests that ‘man’ is neither capable nor fit to look after a baby! This instinct directly raises the hairs on the backs of people’s necks, pictures of disaster loom in their minds and unseen forces push them forwards to offer help. They do not see a happy and carefree father pushing his riant baby on
in the pram, they see a pestered father who is at his wits end and who is desperate for help. They see a tormented and unwilling baby, screaming and kicking in desperation, a father who is propulsion
his hair out and urgently
looking about for causal agency to simply show him what to do.
Once in town and in the department store I headed straight for the baby dynamical
room! Same routine as always except minus one cog – the wife! I did what I had done so many an times before whilst my better half had sat down to see a magazine. Well, the plan was the same as all those times before, do the milk give my son the bottle, lay him down on the nappy dynamical
“thingy”, change his nappy, etc! I did not even as get as far as the hot water dispenser! One mum, before I had even as entered the room stopped up
me in my tracks and in a really serious way au courant me that the seat belt on the carriage was not fastened. One has to be polite in situations like these; I myself planning ahead as always had removed the seat belt simply then in preparation for lifting my son out of it once inside the baby room. I did not cognize of the golden rule that one cannot unfasten the seat belt until well inside closed doors!
Inside the room, several mystical being ran about the room telling all of the mums that a ‘father-alone’ was out and about! Upon entering heads swiveled in my direction, a series of forces pushing bodies towards me and unwanted proposal
started to escape from mouths. Once past I could hear whisperings, stories being generated and past on; a fictional story
growing in reality to become truth in mind! I shut myself off, warded off the many
hands that wherever
heading towards my sons cheeks like locusts, barged through with forced smiles and “no thanks”, and managed to get to the water machine. I smiled with courtesy to the lady who showed me how to press the button for hot water, grimaced once
told that the milk I had ready-made was too hot (how did she know?) and nearly barked once
asked “is the better half in not well dear”!
These kindly mums, whose husbands manifestly knew nothing simply about how to change a nappy or feed a baby his milk, had my son crying inside
five minutes. He doesn’t like attention in the form of searching hands. He especially doesn’t like effort his cheek pinched or chin chucked! I felt like shouting “give him air” or walk in with elbows to rescue him but they were all so well-meaning, these poor mums! Unnecessary to say that as my sons screaming and tears intense
to maximum pitch the mums turned to me as one as if to say “look at the poor man, doesn’t cognize how to look after his baby”.
Naturally as they confirmed their belief that I was altogether inept and useless, wandering hands gained intention and started to lift my baby out of the carriage to offer him comfort – my son hates strangers holding him! Well, I ready-made a run for it, I grabbed the baby in mid-air, swiveled the carriage about on a sixpence, closed my eyes tight and charged for the door, throwing aside mothers like pins at the bowling alley!
I went to the men’s toilet to change my son’s nappy! At least in the holiness within, common person talked to me, no proposal
was freely given and no insects to ward off. Naturally, looks of sympathy and confusion were issued freely, stories would-be abound later as husbands rush to tell their wives simply about the “poor sad man with the baby” – but who cares, simply don’t talk to me simply about it.
I suppose all is not so bad! A new dimension opened up, one that it would-be be better if my better half knew nothing about! I have ne'er
in my life had so many an young ladies (ones who wouldn’t cognize what the inside of a baby dynamical
room looked like) encompassing me; albeit they were let loose at my son but ……… thing
simply about single men with babies must be an attraction. Anyway, I always enjoyed their reaction once
locution loudly, “ah, here’s my better half coming now”, the desertion was abrupt and complete! I cognize how to handle that one; it’s the rest that bothers me!
Just simply about the Author
Author and Webmaster of Seamania. As a Chief Engineer in the Businessperson
Navy he has sailed the earth for fifteen years. Now living in Taiwan he writes simply about cultures across the globe and life as he sees it.
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