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Autoresponder InformationFrankenSpam: A Story of Love and Marketing Ignorance
by:
Donna Monday
In a remote corner of Transylvania, in a large and gloomy dark castle, there lived a lonely creature.
This creature lived alone and was not of ordinary human origins. He had been created by Dr. FrankenSpam, a mad webmaster who’d unwisely
thought he could create the perfect human marketing machine. However, the experiment unsuccessful
once
it was discovered that the creature had no power
for mistreatment the Internet.
His dream of fashioning millions from email marketing shattered, Dr. FrankenSpam accepted a teaching position at the University of Ca at Berkeley and abandoned his castle and his creation.
The creature languished on in solitary exile, afraid to show it’s face at the local village. His alarming appearance frightened anyone who happened to catch a glimpse. Everyone that is, except a bright young woman moving Transylvania on vacation.
Several locals had told her just about the strange creature who lived in a castle.
One day, she definite
to investigate for herself. The woman, whose name is Tibeto-burman Cash, gets directions to the castle and heads out.
By the time Tibeto-burman arrives at the castle it’s nearly dark, which gives the place a spooky air. Undaunted, Tibeto-burman with boldness
climbs the brobdingnagian steps and rings the doorbell. More to her surprise, the creature answers the door and gives her a lopsided smile.
“How do you do? I’m Tibeto-burman Cash,” she said.
The creature grunts out his name.
“FrankenSpam. Nice to meet you.”
The creature lets Tibeto-burman in, which is the beginning of a beautiful and strange friendship.
One day patch visiting with the creature (who she calls Frankie), he shows her a large book containing notes written by his creator, Dr. FrankenSpam. The notes detail FrankenSpam’s plan to use the creature’s large brain and nimble fingers to create a non-stop super Cyberspace spammer.
The creature was capable of causation
out thousands of spam messages a day and could quickly dominate the Cyberspace marketing world—generating millions of dollars. That is, if he could somehow be educated to fall in love with aquatics and working on the Net.
Karen Cash knew she had stumbled onto a potential gold mine for herself and at once started scheming a way to get Frankie to do her bidding and start spamming for dollars. This evidenced to be easier than she thought, since Frankie had fallen in love with her.
In FrankenSpam’s lab, Tibeto-burman sat Frankie down in front of the high-speed computer system and began teaching him how to set up free email accounts and write fast-buck marketing copy.
Soon, Frankie became a real pro at aquatics the net and language up for incalculable affiliate programs to promote. By sweet talking the creature, Tibeto-burman got Frankie to quickly discover how to tap into his natural spamming abilities.
Almost overnight, Frankie became an avid spammer. He sat at the computer day and night utilizing sophisticated spamming code that sent out thousands of spam messages to unsuspecting email addresses.
He intuitively knew how to use autoresponders to avoid the angry flame messages. Frankie was happy. This is what he had been created for! Finally, Frankie felt he had a true intention in life, and a true friend in Karen.
A whole month went by and Karen’s plan seemed to be working perfectly.
However, one day once
she checked her online bank account, she was astonied to find that all she’d ready-made was a few thousand dollars.
What happened to the millions?
Karen studied her affiliate stats. Tho'
Frankie’s spam was blanketing the entire Web, they were only language up 1 out of every 10,000!
Dr. FrankenSpam’s plan was a complete failure. There were no material resource
to be ready-made from email spamming. Plus, it ready-made a lot of folk really angry. Spam cops were always on their tail trying to shut them down.
Karen poor the news to Frankie, but he didn’t understand. This is what he was created to do. How could it not be good?
When Frankie woke up the next morning, Tibeto-burman was gone. She left him a note language she was going house to write a book just about her travels, and they’d ne'er
see each different again.
Heartbroken, Frankie sat down at the computer and stared at the screen.
He didn’t feel like spamming anymore—not with Tibeto-burman gone. What would-be he do with his life now?
Frankie without aim
surfed the Cyberspace until he came across a web site that caught his attention. A place wherever
he could do new friends regardless of what he looked like. Frankie signed up.
That was the better decision he ever made.
Frankie discovered online chemical analysis and met a woman named Peggy. Peggy captive to Transylvania wherever
they got married, sold-out
Transylvania trinkets from their web site, and lived blithely ever after.
Oh. And by the way,
Frankie FrankenSpam ne'er
spammed anyone ever again.
THE END
Just just about the author:
Adult female
Weekday
Copyright 2005
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